Chapter 1 Departing the UK
The Canada Story So Far…
Chapter One: The Flight
Finally, On our way to our new home - Canada. After we were dropped off at Heathrow by Sandra, Dave & Uncle Ken we took ourselves and the boys to the Air Canada check-in desk that was operated by a woman of epic intelligence, or rather ‘lack of’… Whilst I was speaking to her I was aware of her glassy stare and vacant smile and this became evident when she called through to ‘double check’ the costings for the dogs and promptly forgot everything I told her thus resulting in yet another explanation by myself through gritted teeth. However, the guys who were in charge of ferrying the dogs to the plane were superb and allowed us to take the dogs out of the cage, walk them through the terminal to outside where they could be exercised and toileted. We promptly took the boys out of their cages and walked them along a rapidly horrified line of Air Emirates customers with relish.
We stayed as long as we could with the dogs and re-entered, once again walking through as many crowds of people as we could, and deposited them in their cages for the beginning of their journey. Lauren and I then went through security only slightly intimidated by the “protective dyke” that ran alongside. After checking the departures board we saw that our gate wasn’t open for another 20 minutes and so decided to treat ourselves to a ‘Yo Sushi’ which was lovely. Twenty five minutes later we paid our bill and Lauren went off to buy toothbrushes while I begin my pre-flight checks by heading towards the nearest toilet to change my t-shirt and have my pre plane poo. On the way too the loo I checked the departures board and saw that our gate was now ‘closing’. This in itself was one of the best laxatives but I erred on the side of caution and legged it back to Lauren, grabbed her by the arm, threw the soon-to-be-purchased toothbrushes at a passing grandmother and began the longest dash to our gate.
Once we arrived at the gate I was aware of two things: 1) There were still loads of people waiting to board and 2) the terror of seeing ‘Gate Closing’ and a ten minute run now meant that I had to go to the toilet prior to boarding otherwise I would be wearing two-tone jeans… I shall skip the next part J
We settled on the plane and the flight passed relatively smoothly. I say relatively as I managed to cock up only the once… After two films and a couple of cans of lager I had the urge to pee and headed to the toilet, saw an unlocked door and so pushed it open. The door met a slight resistance and so I pushed harder – this resulted in my squashing a knickerless pensioner against the back wall of the lav while she tried to maintain what was left of her dignity. I paused, considering whether to apologise or complement her on her choice of hosiery but opted for secret choice number three and darted across a row of seats and walked away crimson with shame.
We landed smoothly and began the immigration (they spell it differently over here) process which was smooth enough. We were then able to go and collect our bags and try to find where the dogs had been deposited. Finding the lads wasn’t a problem as Digger was busy making ‘friends’ with people through the bars of his cage to the extreme that he nearly toppled it over in his desire to meet new people. Yet Digger’s persistence meant that we had a hastily expanding area as people found somewhere else to be thus allowing us immediate access to our bags J
We got out of the airport and were soon collected by the lady who we are renting the basement suite off of (Carolyn) and we were whisked away to our new home.
 Robin Williams: Good Morning Vietnam
 By trying to tear them limb from limb…