Chapter 3 Goings on
I thought I would sit down and send another little note about how we’re getting on. We’ve just come down from watching a new TV series called The Walking Dead featuring Andrew Lincoln upstairs with Carolyn and Colin (they’ve got a huge TV). Prior to this we spent the day at another friends acreage (house on land) about 40 minutes drive north of Cochrane. Barry and I cooked on the BBQ, well… burned on the BBQ, with a beer in hand. Following this we all went for a walk off into the woods and along a frozen river whereupon I managed to rip the arse of my jeans but only realized that I had done so once we had returned to their house, sat down and exposed myself to their 10 year old daughter…
Not much has really changed since the last chapter in our story so far... Lauren still remains resistant to the notion of employment and I have managed to keep my head down and not overly insult anyone-that I am aware of (with the exception of a certain mortified ten year old). I did, however, manage to get drunk in downtown Calgary, loose my new winter gloves and fall asleep on the C-train only to be woken at my stop by a kindly Chinese gentleman. This was on Thursday and Lauren is still enjoying telling everyone about this and is actually using it as an unfair bargaining chip.
We are now in the grip of our first proper Canadian winter that snuck upon us like an unintentional fart at the most inappropriate moment: one day we were at plus 6 Celsius and the next we woke up to 15 centimeters (if I say cm’s instead of inches it sounds more impressive). Obviously, in the morning I swaggered out of the basement and into to my already running 4X4 (I have the very handy remote starter) and jumped into the seat and began to drive through the snow to get to work. As I tore through the snow at my usual speed I became increasingly confident right up until the moment I braked, whereupon I shat myself and slid sideways through a set of traffic lights. Pausing to take deep breaths (and remove my soiled boxers) I set off again at a much more reasonable pace.
The whole country is now blanketed in white and as the snow continues to fall so does the intelligence of other motorists. There were over 1000 reported collisions and accidents after that first snow fall and Lauren and I have both seen several crashes, which has only served to calm my driving habits further.
Everything with the new house is ticking along nicely, we signed all the paperwork on Friday and have got almost all of the basics needed for when we take possession. These essentials largely consist of beds, kitchen equipment and of course Christmas decorations J Which leads me to give you all our new address: Somewhere in Canada:) If you know me call or email me. As much as we love it out here the tea and beans are shite so if any food parcels containing Yorkshire Tea and Heinz Baked Beans may be sent then for sure I will respond – hint, hint.
While we are looking forward to moving in to the new place on the 15 Dec we will miss our landlords, friends and long-suffering upstairs neighbours: Carolyn, Colin and the kids; but we are confident we will still stay in contact - mainly because we owe them rent!
Boomer and Digger are both well and happy, plus they now have their winter attire -boots and jackets - and Digger has taken to savagely attacking all threading snowdrifts that ‘challenge’ him on his daily stalk.
Mummy H will be descending upon us on the 15th December - just in time to help us move in, tell us which kitchen items go best in which cupboards and of course pay for anything we don't already have. She will leave a week later but will return in early January complete with the Sliver Fox, Kevin, in tow. The Gaybours have threatened to come and visit after Graham’s 40th in mid-Feb but there are still plenty of slots available for visitors
Well, it is now 22.30 and I have to be up in 7 hours so I am off to bed. Back to the daily grind tomorrow and to meet the new Case Manager (same role as me) and to have our ‘bring your own beer’ to work day – this job was made for me!
Speak soon and take care
Andy & Lauren
 That bloke from Teachers – his American accent is crap!
 Colin assures me that the porn is almost lifelike…
 Yes on a BBQ at minus 12 Celsius!
 Minus 12 is quite handy to keep beer cool.
 Note from Lauren: “not that impressive”
 Ford F150, Ford F250… Ford F350?
 Mainly to pay for repairs on the previously mentioned F150, F250 or F350 J
 Case of Red Wine
 Please note: we will only collect people from the airport if Yorkshire Tea is given up-front and in advance.